15 Wedding Traditions That Need Challenging

So. Many. Terrible. Things.

Wedding traditions that need to just die IMO. Controversial, sure but the wedding world needs to progress past doing things for the sake of it just because they’ve always been done.

Here’s the top 15 in my firing line:

Giving Away of the Bride with words like ‘Who gives this woman?’. Well, no, she’s an adult entering a marriage of her own free will and she wasn’t ever ‘owned’ by her Dad, just as as she’ll never be owned by her husband. A lovely handover with zero accompanying wording will do just fine thanks. Walk with your Dad, hug your Dad and he sits down. The end.

While I’m at it- walking the aisle with your Dad at all if that’s not your bag. Even walking the aisle- doesn’t have to happen. There’s so many modern alternatives. Some people love the aisle walk idea, others hate it. I just don’t believe in enduring something because it’s always been done. If your Dad’s a straight up geezer then great, love it. If not, you can walk with anyone! Your Mum, your fave auntie, your besties, your dog. Enter together. Don’t have an aisle at all. Not legally required ergo bye bye.

Enormous guest lists. Timely. And thanks to Covid there’s no better alibi to cull that list. Basically every person there will want a chat and a photo with you. That gets busy when you have a guest list of 100+. Especially if you’re wasting time making pleasantries with your Mum’s work mate or your Auntie you haven’t seen in ten years. Be brutal. Every conversation had equals lost time with people you really want to spend time with. If you wouldn’t normally pay $250 for their meal, why start for your wedding? More on cutting down your guest list here.

Bridal Parties.

I’m seeing more and more couples choose not to have these at all and I am so here for it. Got so many friends it’s going to get political or awkward? Can’t choose? Just don’t. Why? Get ready together, drinks champs together, arrive together and then let them join the crowd. I always give them a shout out as part of the ceremony. Then they all sit or stand together- Friends of Honour- like your little cheer squad.

Matching Wedding Party Outfits- Nope. I love seeing wed crew members expressing their personalities through what they wear. Give them a colour palette and let them be them- and feel comfortable on the day. Being forced into a strapless dress when you aren’t comfortable in it isn’t a great start to the day.

Traditional Askings- This is the part that precedes the vows where traditionally the priest would ask ‘Will you love and honour each other, cherish and obey each other? etc. Completely enraging. For start I’m not obeying anyone and secondly, cherish is a vomit inspiring word. It’s only fitting that it’s also the name of Madonna’s worst ever song. Not legally required: get in the bin.

Facing each other holding hands for the entire ceremony- Weird IMO. Save the Skippy hands for the vows only. So sweaty! So awky. You wanna be able to smile and interact with the crowd as well as your partner and have a good eyeline to your celebrant who is talking about you.

Sand ceremonies. Yuuuuuck. Naff AF. Get a great celebrant to write some beautiful words and rely on those to acknowledge the loveliness of two merging families. Leave it at that. The magic sand lost its shine when I was 8.

Readings for the sake of them. Nope. If they don’t completely resonate with you or reflect your relationship then leave them out. When well chosen and for the right couple they can be magic but they’re not for everyone and there’s so many other ways to involve people than readings.

Those horseshoe things that people give brides for ‘good luck’. Nup. Their time is done. Get that polyester ornament away from that majestic Lola Varma. It’s ruining its vibe. Your photographer wants to set them on fire. Tell the oldies you’d be stoked with a verbal good luck wish. Save their 30 dollarbucks.

Releasing doves, butterflies or balloons. I surely don’t even have to justify this. So weird. Leave the living things alone and please- no feeding sea turtles ivory latex either. If you’re thinking of doing any of these and you’re looking at me as your celebrant you can excuse yourself now. Thnx.

Throwing the bouquet. Honestly. Is there anything more desperate than a gaggle of drunk girls crash tackling each other for a bunch of flowers? Waste of money, waste of good flowers. EJECT.

Garter removal as part of the evening’s entertainment. Usually by drunk groom with his teeth, a suggestive nod to events behind closed doors later. Revolting. Bad bogan vibe. Just no.

First dances. Not required. If you love the d floor or you’re great dancers, go for it but honestly- it’s not necessary. Just let the d floor build naturally and dance with your mates. Nothing worse than watching a couple awkwardly shuffling about in something akin to a Parkinsonian waltz. Love it or leave it out.

Bridal tables where you sit separated from guests at a table up the front. I hate this idea personally. We chose to sit smack in the middle of our crew at our wedding and 110% I’d do the same again now.

I could go on. And probably will but that’ll do for now. Drop any of your most despised traditions below. Let’s debrief together.